My Imaginary Boi-friend

(The not-so-true story of my future ex-husband)

This issue’s cover model is… well let’s call him “James.” Yes, he looks more like a James, not a Jimmy, don’t you think? He looks to be a former Marine who stands 6’1” tall and weighs about 205 pounds. He’s 28ish and with that body and all-over natural tan I’ll imagine him to be a landscaper. In fact, let’s just say he owns his own company and employs 10 other guys. They’re hot too, but he’s the hottest… and he’s mine. (At least in my mind when I’m asleep).

As I’ve told my friends, James and I met at Home Depot this past spring. We bumped into each other in the plant department as we both were looking to buy a rhododendron. It was love at first sight. Unfortunately it was mostly just my sight as James didn’t really seem to notice that I was giving him the “come hither” look.

Now I’m thinking there might be some issues once I finally get James to notice me as he already has a boyfriend: another ex-Marine who co-own the landscaping firm with him. (Ok, I may have stalked James just a little.) Plus there’s some “baby’s momma drama.” Little JJ (James Jr.) is just the cutest thing and Big James is such a good father to him, but that bitch Brenda, his ex-girlfriend, is just waiting for her invite to the Jerry Springer Show.

You know I think his tattoo on his right pec, just to the left of his nipple that’s probably really sensitive, translates to, “Dennis, with all my heart!” Isn’t that sweet? It would be even sweeter if his boyfriend’s name wasn’t also Dennis.