Hello my party ridden kittens. It is time to look back on this past year and share with you some of my favorite questions from last year. Remember that you have the question and I have the answer. So send your queries to Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net or by postal system to BOI Magazine c/o Dear Daisy 3708 N. Halsted Ave., Chicago IL 60613. Now let's see what's on your mind!

Dear Daisy,
I went to the doctor to go get a physical and Ii wanted to know why the doctor has to feel your nuts, because I think it is sick. This is the second time I have had a physical and both times they have felt my nuts. I hate having my nuts touched even by my lover. Can I refuse this treatment?
Signed,
Tess Tickle

Dear Tess,
A gold star to you for thinking about your sexual health and for not being too embarrassed to e-mail Dear Daisy! It's highly unlikely that your doc is getting a cheap thrill by "feeling" your testicles. S/he's most certainly conducting a testicular exam, so if you don't want anybody going nuts over your nuts, do it yourself. A testicle/prostate self-exam can be complicated and is difficult to do on one's own - your health care provider should check your prostate/testicular health as part of a routine exam. Testicular self-exams are important, and pretty easy to do on your own. By doing a monthly testicular self-exam (TSE), men learn more about their own anatomy, including knowing what's familiar for them and what's not. It is hoped that early detection of lumps, changes in sensation or size, aches, or other unusual signs from a TSE can help men catch testicular cancer and other conditions at an early stage, when they are easier to cure (similar to the purpose of breast self-exams for women).

Do a TSE during a shower or bath, when the heat of the water relaxes the scrotum. Rotate each testicle between your thumb and forefinger, making sure you feel a round, firm surface. Examine the rest of your scrotum's contents (especially the epididymis and vas deferens) for any changes. You may want to look at a human anatomy text for illustrations of the scrotum, testicle, epididymis, vas deferens, and penis to help you identify your bits and pieces. If you have any questions about male anatomy or TSE, get up a little more courage and ask your health care provider.

Dear Daisy,
I'm a foreign gay man with an uncircumcised penis. In my country, being uncut is the norm, so it was not strange for me to have contact with other penis like mine. Yes, all of them had a characteristic smell, but it was part of the natural odor that comes with your own skin and, in fact, it was very arousing. When I started having sex with Americans, I felt the opposite of what those guys complain: I missed the "dick smell." Most of them smell like either soap or plain normal skin.

I'm not saying that's a problem, I'm just raising the question: Is the uncut penis really stinky (urine, smegma, or any infection) or is it just a perfectly normal "dick smell" that feels bad to his senses because he is not used to it?

Thanks, FGM

Dear FGM,
The "dick smell" of an uncut, or uncircumcised, penis is produced by sweat or smegma. Smegma is a cheesy secretion from under the foreskin that acts as a natural lube. Some people do not like the distinctive smell smegma produces, whereas others find it agreeable and even arousing. Besides personal preferences, ones like or dislike of smells, scents, and aromas can also be culturally related.

Regardless of your penis's particular perfume, pulling back the foreskin and washing away excess smegma is important for hygiene. If smegma gathers without being washed away, it can turn to glue, preventing the foreskin from easily moving back and forth along the head of the penis. When you wash your penis, be sure to rinse away all of the soap underneath the foreskin; soap left there could help cause an inflammation.

Uncircumcised penises are also cleaned out every time a man pees. If odor from leftover urine is a concern, wiping the head of the penis after urinating can help reduce it.

However, if what you're sniffing is more of an unpleasant rather than natural dick smell, then it's possible that there is an infection, such as yeast. But a yeast infection (similar to what women get) would be accompanied with redness and abnormal pus. To prevent infection, uncircumcised men need to retract their foreskin and wash with soap and water every day. If the foreskin can't be pulled back, or if it's uncomfortable or painful, see a health care provider or urologist.

Dear Daisy,
I'm curious what the etiquette is for the whole "spit or swallow" debate. How much fluid is to be expected from ejaculation exactly? And whatever is to be done with it if one decides not to swallow? Are we talking tissues by the bedside? What? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Signed
Clueless in Cum Etiquette

Dear Clueless
You're not so clueless; tissues or a towel by the bed into which you can quietly deposit the one tablespoon (15 ml) or so of your partner's nut is the quick and easy exit strategy, although the taste of semen will remain for a time. A quick trip to the bathroom for a spit and rinse with water or mouthwash will take care of the aftertaste. Bringing your ejaculator with you can help to keep the post-climax togetherness going. Returning the semen to its rightful owner is another option; this is called "Snowballing" you may want to talk this one over with your partner before your mouth is full. Lobbing his gob across the room with desperate spitting and hacking sounds is most certainly a no-no in any manners manual.

Dear Daisy,
I am a 38 year old male with no arms, how can I masturbate?
Signed,
Topper

Dear Topper,
Do you folks think I'm some kind of silly boob; that I lack any ability to determine the sincerity of a question?

For the edification of those with diminished mental capacity and/or judgment, over the years my faithful minions here in the research labs at DaisyMae Laboratories, we have developed a device to measure the veracity of a question. In this case, our fictitiousometer, as we like to call it, labeled this armless masturbation question "highly suspect" for the following reasons:
1. Men don't solicit advice on masturbation.
2. An amputee is unlikely to use a public forum to raise such a question.
3. A 38 year old male's interest in masturbation-- armless or not-- is probably not compelling enough to warrant such a question.
Besides, aren't there enough masturbation-related web sites out there to satisfy everyone's onanistic curiosity? Start working that mouth stick of yours and get to searching the web, man! (Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against amputees and certainly nothing against masturbation but your question has dredged up many powerful memories of the years I spent working as a comfort girl in the trauma ward of a hospital during the war. The thought of lubed-up stumps still makes my head swim.

Dear Daisy,
Is it true that a man's erect penis size can be predicted by dividing his shoe size in half?

Signed,
Little Nike

Dear Little Nike ,
Certainly not -- no more than big hands and a big nose mean anything more than large gloves and extra room to store boogers. If there's research out there based on something other than fantasy, which counters this declaration, please pass it along.

Dear Daisy,
My friends and I share a common dilemma: we have, well, less than average penises (in terms of size that is). We got together and asked the question "Is it really that important?" Maybe you can help us out on this one.

Signed,
The small boys

Dear Small boys,

You really can't be all that unusual - there's already a whole group of you!! Almost every male seems to envy someone else's penis. He wants one that's longer, wider, harder, with more staying power, and he assumes that some other man, or lots of other men, have one just like that. The truth is there is less variation among hard penises than among soft ones because a smaller soft penis will increase more in size during erection than a larger soft penis.

Men invariably assume that their partner will prefer a bigger penis. The reality is that your partner would most probably prefer a more skilled, caring, warm lover. Maybe you guys could stop focusing on your penis sizes, and instead work on developing your skills and exchanging tips on touching, kissing, caressing and lovemaking. What do you think?

After all it's hard to throw a toothpick into a tunnel.