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If you're known amongst your group friends for throwing the best of holiday parties each year, no way do you want to cancel the 2008 edition just because the economy is on the fritz. You may have too much social standing to lose. Firstly, you surely don't want your cohort thinking you're suffering financially, even if your employment status is a bit tenuous. You ascribe to the "never let them see you sweat" school of thought, and thus cancellation of your annual holiday shindig would be a tell-tale sign - and a bad sign at that - of difficult personal financial times swirling about. The last thing you want are bitchy, catty queens thinking you need charity of any sort. Secondly, you're known as the one who makes everything alright for you and your comrades. Thus, while your friends are going through various trials and tribulations regarding their employment and financial security, they rely on your steadiness and consistency. If you fail to deliver a Bree Vandekamp-esque (aka "perfectly executed") holiday party, not only will they feel let down - another disappointment in the current sea of despair - but these fickle bitches will soon seek aid and comfort from another. And this other invariably will be a rival whom you can't stand. It never fails. So how do you still pull off a holiday party that will make you the talk of the town and the social leader of your pack without exceeding your credit card limit? Here are a few sure-fire suggestions for the three pillars of any successful holiday party. The Food The Drink The Entertainment |
While
your past parties may have been catered affairs known for their
offering of hors d'oeuvres, this year you just want your party
to look catered, and "appetizer" is now the
operative word. A two step process is employed, the first of
which is a trip to Costco (or some other worthy warehouse outpost)
for the bulk purchase of cheeses, crackers, veggies, and frozen
boxes of taquitos. While the 
cavernous shopping environment may be
a shock to the system of those more familiar with Whole Foods
or Treasure Island, you'll get over it, especially when the cash
register 
rings up the total and you realize your
savings. The second step is to employ all those beautifully
large Crate & Barrel ceramic platters you've collected over
the years that sit seldom used on top of your refrigerator.
Employment of appropriately fancy presentation skills (courtesy
of Martha Stewart online) of your Costco noshes will have the
invited guests swearing up and won that you had the Hearty Boys
providing your holiday party eats. 
When
it comes to the liquor, typically the most expensive aspect 
of
the party, you have several options. The Trailer Trash Method
involves the downgrading of offerings: domestic beers instead
of Heineken ("Extreme Trailer" designation comes with
the use of Busch or Pabst Blue Ribbon); Absolut instead of Grey
Goose; "knotty head" gin (aka Seagram's) instead of
Tanqueray; and sparkling wine instead of true Champagne. The
Country Kool-Aid Method means the employment of punch instead
of individual drinks. Finally, the Ghetto Method is the substitution
of the good stuff with the cheap, such as pouring plastic jugged
Sasha vodka into a Stoli bottle. As long as the drinks at your
party are free, folks will be happy! 
Instead
of replacing the DJ with an iPod, promise your fave spinmeister
that he'll be compensated with a mix of cash and payment-in-kind.
Of course don't tell the DJ this until after he's set-up his
equipment at the party and you've enlisted 1) your cutest, sluttiest
friend to stuff his mouth during the party with both Vienna sausages
and the DJ's sausage; and 2) your "powder" holding
friend to share his nose candy with the music maker. Of course
cash is king, but trust me, just about every DJ around can be
placated with a line or two and a good dick sucking! And if your
enlisted friends are doing their jobs right, the music will be
fantastic all night long.