Aries March, 21-April, 19 Don't overwhelm people at the mall by screaming "mush" to the person that's carrying your holiday packages. You don't have to be abrasive to get your point across. Taurus April, 20 - May, 21 These days, you feel more like a scavenger than a hunter when doing your holiday shopping. Helpful Hint: Ecstasy and shopping do not mix Gemini May, 21 - June, 21 This is getting a lot more complicated than you ever imagined it would be, isn't it, Gemini? You should know by now that the "K" in K-mart isn't what you think. Cancer June, 22 - July, 22 Sure, you're in a hurry, but it's extremely important for you to heed all traffic signs and signals. Just think, "Christmas Cards" with your mug shot.Glamorous! Leo July, 23 - August, 22 Try to be a little considerate of others, though, as you may find yourself stomping through the day with no purpose. Look at a calendar, 'Tis the season bitch! Virgo August, 23 - September, 22 A big issue becomes more confusing as you break it down. It's just like last year, you buy gifts and put them under the tree and hope you kept the receipts. Where's the mystery? Libra September, 23 - October, 22 As the Moon makes its way through Aries, you are slowly pushing at the boundaries of what's appropriate. This is the time you shop for others; it's pretentious to have a tree full of presents for you alone. Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21 The dreamer inside of you finally realizes that it's time to face up to reality, Scorpio. Besides, what is the point of wasting these next days waiting for events that will never happen? There's no such holiday as "Butt Plug "day. Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21 Nothing is insignificant -- even the tiniest, most microscopic things matter. So get out your magnifying glass, find your winkie and pee your name in the snow! Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19 You don't have to do anything that you don't really want to do. When no one is looking, pull your pants down around your ankles, stuff tinsel up your ass and sing "Santa Claus is Coming To Town." Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18 It doesn't take much egg nog to know that you're a slut! Pisces February, 19 - March, 20 If given the opportunity, this is a great time to follow the example of someone you admire. The secret is to keep your eyes open as wide as your legs. But don't get carried away, the year is almost over. Until next time..Don your gay apparel! Ms Mae