Dear Daisy,
Barbie: Are you connected to this American Icon?
Please respond

Dear Please respond,
I knew Barbie during her lesser known Vegas years where her weight had ballooned to 120 pounds, she wore size 4 pants and hung out in smoky lounges in sleazy sequined dresses looking for Mr. Ken. It was downright ugly and a dark day for not only her but the entire planet and I don't care to be reminded about it if you don't mind.

Dear Daisy,
I met this guy on the internet, I told him I was beautiful, but I'm Actully ugly. Now he wants to go on a date.
What SHOULD I do? I really like him. How would you react if you were him?

Dear Not-so-attractive person,
It takes a big person to admit they're not the model of modern beauty but it takes an even greater person to admit they lied. You've made the first big step by admitting it to me, now you must tell him. How will he react? It's impossible to say but could you blame him if he was angry that you lied to him?

While I'm on this subject, let me state that any two folks meeting up on the 'net should never believe anything another person is saying until it's been backed up with solid proof. Let's face it: if most of the people trying to score dates on the 'net were as attractive as they claimed they were they wouldn't need to hide behind a keyboard to do it. And, yes, I'm speaking from personal experience here.

Dear Daisy,
I can accept that Santa's so really cool that he has the power to zoom around the world fast enough so that A) he can deliver all the presents in time and B)
we don't see him, but what does he do about the g-forces?
And does entropy really increase?
Rusty

Dear Rusty,
Let me first stop to wish Dear Daisy's most faithful reader the most excellent of holidays. (That's you, Rusty.)
Many people believe the traditional appearance of aliens, with their big buggy eyes and mis-shaped heads, is not the actual appearance of the aliens but the design of their spacesuits. A very similar idea applies to Mr. Claus, who, while still on the chubby side, is not as jolly as all the current news stories lead us to believe. Flying an open cockpit vehicle at high altitude requires a pressure suit much like those worn by fighter pilots. This suit not only keeps the blood in his lungs, heart and brain but also makes the jolly ol' elf look much fatter than he really is.
Entropy can only be increased by a majority vote of both the House and Senate and I don't see that happening any time soon.

Dear Daisy,
Why are people breeding like rats nowadays? I've seen families with ten children, and I know our government is supporting them with thousands of dollars a year. Do they not realize the problems out already huge population is causing? Gangs, inflation, crime, pollution, and many other things could be solved with the magic of the condom. Why
doesn't the government reward the people who have no children? I'm sure this would cost much less than what welfare does, and it would help our country and
environment. Thanks for the time to read this!
-Abstinent in Andersonville

Dear Abstinent in Andersonville,
I suppose those who have lots of children either 1) have been duped into believing in the antiquated and misogynistic teachings of some religion (probably the Catholics) or 2) they like fucking but aren't responsible/smart enough to prevent babies. And then there are the two remaining couples who truly wanted a large family.
I hate to break this to you but, on average, people are having fewer children than in the past. The increase in population is actually the result of baby boomers having children and those children having children. If you really believe people should be rewarded for not procreating then don't just write to some doped-up advice columnist, do something about it. Run for office or start a group to help those children who've been brought into this world by parents who do have the means to care for them.