Welcome to another year at the trailer park. This year we are doing a tour of trailers. Last year's yard display contest became a fight to the finish with the runner up ending up in a wheelchair.

The first trailer we are going to is the home of Otis and Vera Mae Jenkins. As we approach the mobile home, we see that they have put out special decorations that Otis and Vera Mae have made from crushed Busch beer cans. I think they're supposed to be stars, but I'm not sure. Let's go inside.

Moving into the living room of this original 1968 Wildwood double wide, the air is thick with potpourri and varnish. It seems that Otis is finishing up some last minute projects to sell at the flea market next weekend. Vera is passed out in the corner, let's wake her up and see what she has to say about the holidays. As Vera Mae comes to, she excuses herself as she announces that she has to change her Depends and asks if someone could get her a beer.
 

Vera and Otis have out done themselves this year by carrying through a theme; their Christmas tree is decorated with the same crushed Busch beer cans as are outside. This will add points on the judging system. The garland that flows through the living room/dining area and into the kitchen coordinates with the original flocked wallpaper and simulated oak paneling that adorns the walls of this fine home. Now let's go on to the next mobile home.

We are ready to go through the gate of Edna Bissell and her grand son Bucky. Please try not to make any sudden moves around Bucky; he is still a little jumpy ever since he got back from the war. I wish you could see what they have done to all these cars in their yard. None of them run, but they are lined up and they put antlers on the cars and silver garland like reins kind of like Santa's reindeer! Isn't that clever, let's go to the door.

"Knock, knock, Edna, it's us happy holidays." Edna lives in a 1970 Carthage with a pull out living room. This gives her extra space to have a bigger tree. Edna offers us a piece of Pumpkin pie, she makes the best in the county, and after all she has won the blue ribbon 42 years in a row. Hell, people don't even bother entering in the Pumpkin pie category anymore because they know she is going to win it anyway. Then she offers us a beverage. Being a Christian woman she will not allow liquor in her house. That's why Bucky has to drink mouthwash and suck the alcohol out of the deodorant sticks. We graciously take a cup of coffee and eat our pie as we look at her lovely tree. It is decorated with worn out paper and macaroni ornaments that her 56 grandchildren have made for her over the years and Bucky has added several used hot gun shells with little lights in them. He is so creative now that he is in group therapy. Edna has changed all her curtains and towels to match with a cute Christmas theme and a welcome mat that goes HO, HO, HO when you step on it. Unfortunately they had to unplug it because the cat kept walking across it and causing Bucky to hide under the couch for days.

The next trailer on our tour of Mobile Homes is the home of Bill and Cathy Waddell and their family little Bill, Jill, Will and Peg. There is no room in their yard for any decorations because it's so full of toys, these kids don't need toys for Christmas, my God, they should be giving some of this shit away! Let's fight our way through the jungle of kid crap and go inside and see what is going on.

I don't know if they can hear me knocking, there is so much noise in there. What the hell is going on in there? Let's just go in, they're expecting us. As we walked in we never expected to be greeted with a double barrel shotgun in our face! That's Bill for you. He's an avid hunter you know. They haven't bought meat for years, if they don't kill it, they don't eat it. He's even teaching little Bill to shoot a gun, he's 5, I guess the kick knocks him 3 or 4 feet, but big Bill says he'll learn.

As I look around I see the tree but a lot of the decorations are missing and some of the presents are partially opened. It looks like the 5 dogs have peed on the tree more than once and Cathy can't seem to find the baby. Big Bill is busy cleaning his gun and the rest of the family is looking for the baby so I think this would be a good time to duckoops, I mean get out.

I'm glad we're out of there, lots of stress and no Christmas cheer. Speaking of Christmas cheer, it's about time we get to the laundry facility for the annual Christmas party and sing along.

Here we are at the Laundryand garbage building. The smell of cling free and spoiled food is in the air. There's no heat inside but they have been running the dryers since this afternoon so it's good and toasty in here. Mmmm, egg nog and cookies. The management is trying to cut corners this year so instead of using napkins we are using used dryer sheets. They are tough and durable but not much for absorbency.

Over in the corner is Madge Ramsey, I hope Santa brings her a new wig for Christmas; this one looks like something Bill Waddell killed! And there is Ronnie Samples, in that same polyester leisure suit that didn't fit him 15 years ago, it certainly doesn't fit him any better today. Well, I guess it doesn't matter how you are dressed or what your wig looks like, it's the joy of being with people and sharing the spirit of Christmas. Merry Christmas and I hope you all have a great New Year!