Why can't I stop eating treats? If I go for coffee, I have to have a cookie. A big ol' one, full of chocolate and sugar and butter and fun. Boy, it makes me happy.

My partner and I used to just get one thing and split it. Before that, we got nothing. If we did, it was a special occasion, one we'd feel guilty about, and that we knew we wouldn't be giving into again, at least for a long time.

So, what happened? Why am I sitting in the back patio of a coffeehouse, thinking about all the treats inside? Let's face it; they aren't even that good. Plus, I already had a cookie. And when I get home, I know I'll be eating ice cream. Bowls of it. Lite ice cream, so bowls and bowls are OK, right? Healthy Choice, Grand Light. Reduced Fat. Sugar Free.

What about Skinny Cow? The half gallons and the ice cream sandwiches. Those sandwiches have become a staple in every gay man's freezer, but what, exactly, is with the whole Skinny Cow thing? Am I supposed to be flattered that my lust for desserts makes me a cow, just a skinny one?

Better than those No Pudge brownies that I buy by the dozen. Just mix the powder with fat free yogurt, and 30 minutes later, you have fat free brownies. Well, you would, if you didn't load the mix with chocolate and butterscotch chips. Anyway, the pink box has a cartoon image of a pig with a line through it. A pig, a cow - When I'm trying to feel good about what I'm eating. What's next? A package of low carb potato chips with the image of an obese man confined to bed, with bottles of heart medication on the nightstand? Hasn't anyone taken Marketing 101?

My partner says that I could fill up volumes, all about my eating habits. Or disorders. You choose. I think I'm somewhere in between. I don't throw up or anything like that, and I certainly have no difficulty eating large quantities. I'm simply obsessed. Nothing a good OCD medication couldn't help control.

But, if I reign in my food obsessions with meds, does that mean my other obsessive compulsive behaviors will also fall by the wayside? Will I no longer workout every morning, and on my lunch break? It's sort of a Catch-22: I lose the extra snacks, but I also lose the will to work out. I'll take in less, but what's left on me gets softer?

Plus, what about all my other crazy obsessions that I know and love? Will I stop hanging up all my clothes? Washing all the dishes, instead of letting them sit in the sink? My house will become a pig sty, just so I can control my cookie and brownie intake?

No. I think I'll just let things stay as they are. I like my treats. I can handle working out. Plus, my house is clean and organized.

So, here I sit. Thinking about that biscotti, and how the top one is so much bigger than the others. If I don't get it now, someone else will. If someone does, maybe I should get that chocolate cookie. I'd never seen that cookie before today. Like I said, the pastries here are just so-so, but this new cookie... You never know. Maybe this will be the great one. Maybe this will be the best most perfect happiest splendid cookie on the planet. If I don't get it now, I may never have the chance again. It'll be back to the greasy chocolate chip cookies that leave a big grease stain on your napkin. I'll never know the bliss of that chocolate cookie.

And, you know what? The cookie will be lousy. We both know it will be. We both know how thick and lumpy it will be.

But, I want it.

Maybe I should stop typing. Maybe I should go inside, maybe- Maybe I should look into medication. My partner would be so happy.