Well my kittens it's all up to you my furry friends to keep me on my toes and off my back paws! With the weather turning bitter, there is no reason for you to feel bitter too. So, send me a letter either e-mail to Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net or you can always send it to me with a postal worker to BOI Magazine c/o Dear Daisy 3647 N. Halsted Ave., Chicago IL 60613. Now let's see what's on your mind!

Dear Daisy
The other night on MTV I saw a story about a brain surgeon who likes to listen to Nirvana when he is in surgery. What music do you like to listen to?

Signed,
Bob and Ben

Dear B & B,
When I do brain surgery? Milli Vanilli, of course! I've met them, you know. I did some minor brain surgery on both of them in fact. They used to talk just like you and me. But they don't anymore.

"Girl you know it's true".

Dear Daisy,
Now that you are going worldwide, will you be answering all the letters from us pee-ons you work with? Will you be leaving BOI Magazine to do this full time? When will the Dear Daisy dolls be available?

Worried

Dear Worried,
Nope, I'm still the same down-home, no-nonsense, folksy kind of guy that I've always been. I am against the merchandising of Dear Daisy and I will continue to be against it until someone comes up with something to merchandise and offers me dough. At which time I will completely reverse my stance.

I'd make a great doll. Maybe they could make it so that there is a dial in the dolls back and when you turn the dial my hair recedes. That would fill nearly any child with wonder and delight, I'm sure.

Dear Daisy,
I get up for work early in the morning, really early, like 5:30am. One of the first things I do is let the dog out for his morning walk. Several times last week and once this week when I opened the front door and stepped out on the porch, the grass in front of my house was screaming. Pretty loud too. What does this mean? Is the grass ok? Please help.

Concerned About The Lawn

Dear Concerned,
Well, this is easy. What you do is tomorrow morning when you get up, take off all your clothes and go outside and lay down on the grass. You will begin screaming, I assure you. You will scream even louder if your dog comes out and... well, you'll have a lot more empathy for the grass on your lawn. I promise you.

Dear Daisy,
There is something that has been bothering me for a while now. I am a lady and upon occasion I have entered the ladies restroom and have found the toilet seat up. Should I be concerned with this? It has rather an unsettling effect.

Signed:
-Unsettled

Dear Unsettled,
Well I think the answers pretty obvious here, don't you? Who else could it be but MEN who are sneaking into the women's restroom to do what everyone knows only they are capable of. I'm talking about untrained men here and frankly I think you should suggest to the management of the company you work for that they hire a bathroom monitor to lie in wait for them and beat them with a stick like bad dogs. It's the only way.

Dear Daisy,
Although many members of my family are in the Navy, there is always a standing joke or riddle about submarines. To put it simply, do they have anchors or not??? And if so, why does a submarine need an anchor?

Sincerely,
Admiral Bajenski

Dear Admiral,
Anybody in your family that tells you that submarines have anchors is wrong, wrong and stupid. I happen to know that the correct answer here is that submarines don't have anchors and probably couldn't use then very well if they did. A submarine keeps its location by either flat sitting on the bottom itself or keeping enough way on to maintain steerage.

You should smite your family.