Well my kittens it's all up to you my furry friends to keep me on my toes and off my back paws! So, send me a letter either e-mail to Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net or you can always send it to me with a postal worker to BOI Magazine c/o Dear Daisy 3647 N. Halsted Ave., Chicago IL 60613. Now let's see what's on your mind!

Dear Daisy,
I've fallen, and I can't get up.
Gravity-affected

Dear Gravity-affected,
There really is no good reason to get up at all. I advise you to just remain calm and remain where you are. You're not missing as thing. Keep an eye on this column and when it's time for you to attempt to get back up, you and all the others who have fallen will be notified.


Dear Daisy,
I live in the city; right off the street and I love the spot like you wouldn't believe. It has a porch and two sinks (count 'em, TWO!) and is within walking distance of everything. The only problem is that I don't have any lawn at all.

I don't even have dirt. So whenever I try and plant anything it just blows away. Tomatoes... gone. Carrots... gone. Shrubbery... gone.
How does one plant a garden on pavement?

-Signed
Hungry and weak

Dear Hungry and Weak,
I wish all my letters were this easy. Get some flower pots, then mix up some wet cement. Pour about 2/3 full wet cement into the flower pots and immediately poke several seeds into the cement before it sets. This will prevent the seeds from just blowing away after you set them on the hardened concrete, you nitwit! I thought everyone knew you had to plant the seeds in the soil/concrete to allow their roots to sprout and hold them in place. Don't worry about getting concrete on your hands as this is one of the magical things that people love about gardening, apparently. Don't forget to water them as the concrete will harden and absorb all the water the young sproutlings need to grow.

If you are still hungry then get a hamburger at a McDonalds. Thanks for writing!




Dear Daisy,
Have you ever taken a piece of uncooked spaghetti in your hands, holding just the ends with your fingers, and snapped it? It usually breaks into three pieces, with one piece only about half an inch long. The small piece goes flying into the air, leaving you holding the other portions of spaghetti in your hands. Why does this happen
--Puzzled by Italian Food

Dear Puzzled,

I don't know, I don't do that sort of thing. Perhaps you should try and fathom your reasons for why you enjoy that sort of thing, I guess. Stop playing with your food! If I have to pull this car over there is going to be some very sorry kids!


Dear Daisy,
Will a "crotch rocket" help my self-esteem?

Signed
Wonder Boy

Dear Wonder Boy,

I assume you mean those little cafe racer motorcycles with the sleek fairings and speeds that can outrun an F-111 until takeoff? Well, it will probably get you admired by the nurses in whatever hospital you end up in, probably they will think something like "I've never seen anyone so badly damaged and live! What a man!" Or, in the municipal courthouse the clerks will probably think "I hope that cute guy comes in to pay off some more speeding tickets soon!" That will help your esteem. Or, at least give you lots of other things to worry about.

I personally love fast cars and fast motorcycles but it's an unwritten rule that if you get one for self esteem you will stack it badly or lose your license two weeks after you get it.

There must be a better way to grapple with your self image...