1 My kid didn't join the Neverland Cub Scout troop!

2 Even though I'm bald, at least I have back hair.

3 I don't live in a state where my Governor can bench press a tank.

4 Michael Jackson and Martha Stewart are both out of prison

5 Canadians didn't have to wait until November for their turkey dinner.

6 The turkeys don't have a day where they stuff people and eat them with cranberry sauce.

7 FINALLY, Mother's sauerkraut pie was vetoed . . . unanimously.

8 Spam turkey, spam stuffing, spam on the cob, spam-berry sauce, spam-apple pie, spam jello, spam fights at the kids table, and OH YEAH, left over spam sandwiches!

9 Aunt Jeanne isn't making a "Tofu Turkey" this year. (Wohoo!!! Real meat!!!)

10 That with the low-carb stuffing, no-sugar-added cranberries, and fat-free gravy. I can have all the damn turkey I want!!