Don't ask me to throw your drink or food item away for you. I don't want to touch it, and I don't want to smell it, and I don't want it leaking all over my trash can.

Don't order spaghetti for your 3-year-old unless you are willing to clean up after him at least halfway. It is my job to serve customers, not clean up after your little brat.

Don't eat three fourths of your meal and then send it back and ask for a new one because you don't like it.

Don't tell my boss (restaurant situation) to give me a raise. Actual salary for waiting tables is essentially nothing. If you liked my service, YOU are the source of my raise. Leave a tip.

Don't tell me what a nice waitress I am, and then give me a shitty tip. Your money speaks much louder than your mouth.

Don't sit and pick at your food for twenty minutes, and then send it back because it's cold.

Don't order a double bacon cheeseburger, large chili cheese fries, and a milkshake, and then a diet coke. It won't help and chances are all the employees are getting a damn good laugh at your expense.

Don't leave a religious pamphlet in lieu of a tip. If your religion is that important and you really want to reach me, then leave a CASH tip and your silly pamphlet, and maybe I might read it. Your religious tracts do NOT pay my rent. The same goes for coupons to your own business, etc. If you are not going to give me the respect of a cash tip, what makes you think I am going to patronize your business, you greedy cheap ass?

Don't tell me "you were the best server I ever had" and then jack me on the tip. In the restaurant business, we call this a "verbal tip," and WE HATE IT. It is rather distressing that we know when we hear these words that we can kiss any kind of decent tip goodbye. If you liked our service so much, show your appreciation the American way....with GREEN.

Don't let your children draw all over everything and make a mess everywhere. And if they do (we understand that some kids are too young to know better), at least have the decency to tip us appropriately for the disaster we are about to clean up.

Don't order something well done and expect to have it in five minutes or less. To cook something well done, WE HAVE TO COOK IT LONGER THAN NORMAL, GENIUS. That is what well done means. If you are in that much of a hurry for your damn burger, McDonald's is right down the street.

Don't bitch and complain and harass us when our restaurant no longer carries a particular item you liked. It is NOT our fault that management or the corporate bigwigs decided to discontinue that item, and honestly, we had zero input into that decision, so get off our case.

Don't leave your tip in a pile of coin change. That is just rude, even if the total amount of the tip is appropriate. You don't want to carry around all that change...what makes you think WE do?

Don't be surprised that we do not take personal checks. This is 2003, and outside of Minnesota (which you are probably not from), NO CHAIN RESTAURANT takes personal checks. Especially from out of state.

Don't ask us, "Do we just sit anywhere?" when there is a big sign in front of you saying "Please wait to be seated."

Don't ask us "Do we pay you?" That is why we say we will take that from you when you are ready. This is a restaurant, not a diner....did you SEE a cashier at the front when you came in?

Don't whine if you asked for you food well, well done. Normally, well done will do it for any normal human being. Normally the cook will try to accommodate this request, but he won't go overboard only to have you refuse the food.

Don't call to place a pizza order then, when asked what you want, proceed to individually ask each member of your family what they feel like having-- or better yet, each of the 20 guests currently at your house. FIGURE IT OUT BEFORE YOU CALL!

Don't open food (chips, candy) and start to eat it before you pay for it. Especially don't start eating something nasty smelling (like Cheetos) and then proceed to talk to me with your skanky cheese breath, spraying crumbs and handing me money with cheese gunk all over it.

Don't let your damn kids put ketchup, mayonnaise, chocolate syrup, mustard, and anything else they can find all in the cup. Someone has to clean that up.