Aries March 21-April, 19
What a life you have lately. Everything you touch turns to gold. But be careful what you touch for all that glitters, is not gold. I'm not sure what that means, but who really cares?

Taurus April 20 - May 21
Watch out how you spend your spare time. When you spank your monkey repeatedly and then do it again. Take special care to use a good lube or your monkey will look like a _ pound of ground round.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
Now that you have confronted your demons, it's time for some soul searching. Look deep inside yourself. If need be, stick a flashlight up your ass.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Oh how you love the colors of fall. It's just another excuse to take another pill to enjoy them. Oh the colors!

Leo July 23 - August 22
Leo, you can roar, but are you the loudest? It isn't how loud you roar it's how much you can take before you roar. Give you a finger and you want the whole fist.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
The moon is in your 3rd house. Funny you just thought it was in the apartment next door. This will buy you a little more time to continue your ride to sexual perversion before your imminent dry spell. Suck it up!

Libra September 23 - October 22
Funny how you can finagle you're way in and out of situations. It is an art and not to be taken for granted. You certainly can finagle your way in and out of booths at the bookstore, now can't you?

Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Now that your cleansing has come to an end, you are looking for another creative way to fill that void. Yes, when it has been used that much, it is considered a void.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Winning is not everything, it's how you play that counts. So, you should be racking up the points with all the playing you have been doing. Who do you think you are, an Aquarius?

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
With the High Holy days behind you, look at the next big holiday, Thanksgiving. What do you have to be thankful for? Being able to tie up a turkey and shove your hand up its ass should be enough.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Have you figured it out yet?

Pisces February 19 - March 20
Things didn't turn out as bad as you thought when rent time rolled around. Trick or treat for Unicef can be so generous and beneficial.

Until next time, if you cared, you'll be prepared! Ms. Mae