Aries March, 21-April, 19
The Indian summer has you in a tizzy. You don't know whether to get out your cashmere or keep out your lightweight cotton. Just go with the flow and don't get your panties in a knot.

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
Longer nights and shorter day's means more time for you to do what you like best, party!
Of course you don't need that formula; you'll party just because it's a day that ends in "Y"

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
Now that fall is on its way, you find time to treat yourself to the finer things in life. A spa day, manicure, pedicure and a hooker, what could be better.

Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
Knowing and thinking you know are two different things. Before you point your finger, make sure you know where it has been. Or the poo may be on you.

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
There may be a trip in your future, so keep a bag packed. Now I can't be 100% certain if it will be a vacation or a trick, but either way, I have the bases covered.

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
You are searching for something that has been giving you much grief. I know where it is and for $75.00 I will tell you where it is at.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
Your hormones have been as unstable as George W. at a debate. Find an herbal cure, or talk to Paula Sinclare, she has no hormones. She will help you deal with it.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
There is love in the air, too bad it's everybody else but you. Your time is coming. Just let it happen. Prepare for it, feather your nest and when it's time it will happen.

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
The daily grind is finally getting to you; you need a change of pace. Think about a change of job or something less severe like a colonic. That will change your outlook.

Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
You keep trying to save the world, and there are not enough hours in the day. I suggest you save your tights and cape for Halloween and give it a rest, let somebody else do it.

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
Ancient prophecies have written that as far back as the zodiac was written, Aquarians have always been sluts, Hmmm.

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
Lately you have been bored with sex. You need to spice it up a little? Might I suggest rubber appliances, white cotton rope, red wine and a few farm animals? To start with.

Until Next timeÉKindness is something that should be served every day, Ms. Mae