Dear Daisy,
I've found myself in a quandary once again. It's THE QUESTION OF THE AGES: Why, why, oh why did Mrs. Howell and Maryann take so many clothes with them for a three hour tour!? And is soylent green REALLY
people?
Rusty

Dear Rusty,
Thanks again for writing. You seem to have a lot questions, Rusty, but I'll give you credit- you know where to come for the answers. Before I answer I must point out that it was Mrs. Howell and Ginger who had the plethora of clothing. Maryanne never wore anything other than that polka-dotted top with the cutoffs.
But here's the really important stuff: the supposed "three hour tour". If you recall, that phrase is repeated several times in the theme song. It's a subliminal hint from the writer of the theme that he was afraid that we wouldn't believe they were on a "three hour tour". The reason he was afraid that we wouldn't believe the soon-to-be castaways were on a "three hour tour" is that he knew they weren't on anything like a "three hour tour". This "three hour tour" was really nothing more than part of an elaborate drug smuggling and white slavery ring. Where do you think the Howells got their money from? The professor was responsible for cooking the drugs. Skipper and Gilligan handled the white slavery side of the business and apparently had their hands full with Ginger and Maryanne... you'll recall none of the men masturbated even once during all that time they were on that island. But I suppose most of that is obvious. The real shocker: the whole operation was backed by the CIA as part of a covert operation to sell drugs to fund the secret war in England. What? You haven't heard of the secret war in England? Of course not... IT' A SECRET!
Is soylent green really people? Would Charlton Heston ever lie?

Dear Daisy,
Why do hot dog buns come in packages of 10, and hot dogs come in only packages of 8?And speaking of hot dogs, exactly how many acts of audience participation are contained within the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Bubba

Dear Bubba,
It's a simple matter of weenie parity. You see there are too many weenies out there already so the Weenie Board of America is attempting to help reduce the amount of weenies out on the street at any one time. As far as Rocky Horror Picture Show, I keep losing count.

Dear Daisy,
I have some new ideas for some toys but I don't know who I can
contact on the world-wide web. I want to contact different companies like kenner and irwin, but I'm not having much luck. Can you help me?
Toyman

Dear Toyman,
Many long-established companies have not seen fit to develop a presence on the internet because they perceive it as nothing more than a collection of obscene sexually oriented material or inane advice columns. I cannot see how they'd get that kind of idea but maybe that's why I'm not in some executive conference room kissing CEO ass. Free thinkers stay away from the establishment and that's what you should do. If you were to pitch your ideas to the big toy companies they'd politely turn you down, show you to the door then release a toy just like yours three months later. The real money is made in the small start-up companies where the only people who can steal from you are your relatives and employees.
And remember me when you've made your fortune. Why? Because, I'm not above begging.