I was hanging out the other day with three of my drag queen friends. [Note: One of them does not like the term "drag queen," instead preferring "female illusionist performance artist." Whatever, girl! How about I just call you "bitch."] After brunch at the Golden Nugget (they are only glamorous when on stage; otherwise, frugality rules their daily lives), they went on a bit of a shopping spree and I tagged along to see what these "girls" filled their shopping carts with. The first stop was on Michigan Avenue at Neiman-Marcus, where we saw some absolutely gorgeous dresses and gowns. They were also quite expensive but my friends surprisingly produced crisp hundred dollar bills and each purchased a fabulous new frock. My astonished look was responded to with a sly smile and the proclamation that "Last week was quite good at work!" Just how many jobs that bitch had, or gave, last week was not specified. After a quick stop at Sephora for make-up, the three divas did a Tyra-esque strut down Oak Street swinging their shopping bags like they owned the city. Then we piled back into the car and headed to Sally Beauty Supply and spent what seemed like hours there. At check-out, the shopping baskets were filled with cans of hairspray (lots of cans), hair extensions, something called Big Hair Styling Serum, a box of Clean & Easy Facial Waxer, nail extension kits, and eye lashes of varying lengths. Next we went to a nearby wig store since one of my friends is planning to do a career retrospective of Whitney Houston in the coming months and wants to include an "I'm Every Woman" Whitney persona. You know, before she met the pipe. After the wig store stop we had lunch at Burger King, where all of my "girl"-friends ate like they would soon be doing late-career retrospectives of Aretha Franklin. Double Whopper with Cheese Value Meals with onion rings!?! DAMN! Following the BK Lounge, we all headed to a place that quite honestly surprised me: Home Depot. Here it was all about drag queen accessories not seen by the public, including foam padding, crazy glue, PVC piping (I didn't ask), and yes - duct tape! Someone also got an injector. I assume for silicone, but I was too afraid of the answer to actually ask that question either. Another surprising venue we visited was Famous Footwear. As the ladies explained to me, "Famous has decent high heel fashions, but most importantly they have double digit sizes to fit our feet. And the boots fit over our calves." After shoe purchases, there was a raging debate about whether to go to the suburbs to a JC Penney in order to get foundation garmets: girdles, bras, and stockings. But it was getting late and so it was decided that our last stop would be Walgreen's. In addition to getting teeth whitening strips, Vaseline, and contact lens solution, each of the three had prescriptions waiting for them in the pharmacy. Hormone pills maybe, but again I didn't ask. And then as if living up to the universal belief that most drag queens are big-dicked tops, they all put a box of Magnum condoms in their respective shopping baskets. OMG! After this day long shopping spree with my three - oops, I mean two - drag queen friends and the bitch, I was thoroughly exhausted. But not too tired for one of them to show me that the universal belief is true! They should have bought two boxes of Magnums.