Aries March 21-April, 19 Be very careful, something or someone from your past may come back to bite you in the ass. If it does, take it with a grain of salt, or a cocktail and a couple of Valium! Taurus April 20 - May 21 Well Taurus, you've been busy! Things are still looking up for you (if you're on your back.) The stars are shining around you and Uranus is probably still sore. Gemini May 21 - June 21 Life is a party and you are the party favor. Pay attention to who is at that party, for deception may seek you out. Cancer June 22 - July 22 Hopefully you have been humbled because of rejection. This is a tough lesson but at least now you might laid, and even if you don't at least you have learned something. Leo July 23 - August 22 Oh Leo, someone's in love! Too bad it isn't you. Keep trying and you'll see persistence pays off, practice makes perfect and a dick in your hand is better than anything in a bush. Virgo August 23 - September 22 Fed up with the events lately, you need to quit bitching and take action. So throw your own birthday party and get over it! Libra September 23 - October 22 You need to stop nagging. If you don't stop picking at it, it will never heal. And you've never been one for unsightly blemishes. Give it some time and everything will be OK. Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest one of all? Before you answer that look around, chances are it is you but it never hurts to make sure. Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Your time is your own. Too bad you spend it watching porno. Get out, meet people, date, you'll soon find other uses for your hands. Capricorn December 22 - January 19 So it is time for you to find a mate. Don't do like the "Praying Mantis" and kill your trick after you fuck them, like you usually do. Keep at least one for the winter. Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Slut. That's all I have to say about that. Pisces February 19 - March 20 As the summer winds down and Labor day is over, it is not your personal mission to make sure no one wears white. You are just jealous that you can't wear white.EVER! Until next time, Stop and smell the homeless! Ms. Mae