Dear Daisy,
The Book of Leviticus says that when I burn a bull as a sacrifice to the Lord, it makes an odor "pleasing to the Lord". The problem is with my neighbors. They think the odor is not pleasing. Shall I smite them?
High Commander

Dear High,
Let's be honest Commander- the Book of Leviticus says a lot of things... And while I will admit a good smiting can really get the blood pumping, it's usually someone else's blood and that's just not a happy time.
If the bull must be sacrificed, we suggest leaving it up to the professionals. Head out to MickeyD's and get some lunch. Pick me up a quarter-pounder meal. Dr. Pepper. Don't forget to get a bar-b-q sauce (I like it with my fries).

Dear Daisy,
What do bunnies have to do with Easter?
Signed
Jewboy

Dear Jewboy,
They lay the Cadbury Cream Eggs. Duh!

Dear Daisy,
What in Patricks name does the phrase "Top of the morning" mean? I realize that it's a first thing in the morning greeting, but why?
Signed,
Irate Irishman

Dear Irate,
I personally believe it has something to do with cows. That is to say, when you wish someone "top of the morning," you are wishing them the best or choicest part of the morning*. The concept of the best being at the top derives from the fact that cream rises to the top of milk vats (whence it is then skimmed off and used for butter. Which itself is where the phrases "butter-skin" and "butter is better" come from).
An interesting side note is that there is a proper response to a call of "Top of the morning," which is "and the rest of the day to yourself

Dear Daisy,
I have a question about sex in swimming pools and hot tubs. Will the chemicals deteriorate a condom? Also, can lubricant be used in water or will it be washed away? Please answer. Thank you.
Signed Curious in Cal City

Dear Curious,
Condoms aren't typically tested in pools or hot tubs, or with chemicals found in these hot, wet places. Underwater sex - whether in the pool, hot tub, ocean, lake, river, shower, or bath - isn't considered a safer sex option. Here's why:
·Lubricants are likely to "wash off" or wash away in water.
·Water containing chemicals, salt, or bacteria can be forced into the rectum during sex, possibly causing irritation, infection, or temporary dryness.
·Since it's recommended to store latex condoms away from direct sunlight, it's possible that heated water may have a similar effect on latex.
·Water can seep between the condom and the penis, possibly causing the condom to slip off.
·Oil-based products - such as sun block, tanning lotion, shampoo, conditioner, and soap - and possibly even chlorine cause latex condoms to deteriorate.
Of course, using a condom in a pool or hot tub is better than not using one at all. Like I always say, don't be silly, cover our willy!