Aries March, 21-April, 19
Aries your moon is in a tizzy and your whole world seems to be falling apart around you. Fear not, you have the ability to bullshit your way through any situation. It's what you do and who you are, so fuck them if they can't take a joke!

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
Now things are really going your way, but how many people did you inconvenience along the way? Keep up the good work Taurus, but remember not to shit where you eat.

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
No matter how hard you try you just can't seem to lose that last couple of pounds for that seasonal entrance to the beach. Thank goodness that those big baggy bathing suits are in fashion, they hide a multitude of sins.

Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
Last issue you got goosed but this issue you're going to get fucked! Watch out for a real bargain. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
It's your turn. Love is just around the corner for you. Just don't look for it at the parade or you'll go nuts literally! So many men, so little time. Don't be silly, cover your willy!

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
It's apparent you still have enough charm to get what you want. However, you still don't have what you need. Greed is such an ugly thing in this cock sucking marathon you've been in. Slow down, it's quality not quantity.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
You are faced this week with a decision. Be sure that you look at it from all angles, like you would a trick.except this time keep your mouth away from the hair.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
How many times must you be shit on before you say NO! The only way you can go on is to have "welcome" tattooed across your ass.

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
Over the river and through the woods seems to be your theme song lately. The forest preserves I thought were for wildlife not wild life!!

Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
If a picture paints a thousand words you better shove a paint brush up your ass, because you've been talking shit! What goes around comes around Capricorn. You've come so far; don't end up on the top rung of success alone.

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
Don't let the parade pass you by. Attendance is a must! Mr. Right is waiting for you, but he may not be what you expected so don't be to quick to judge. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
Expect good news this week. It may be as simple as getting too much change at Jewel or Ed McMahon knock, knock, knocking at your door. Either way Be proud of who you are and let the good times roll!

Until next time, Pride is the deeper love! Ms. Mae