Dear Daisy,
My head hurts from trying so hard to do anything. I feel like I am beating my ego up against a wall. If don't make a conscious effort, I do well. When I try and think and focus, I suck. This is reference to my singing and acting. I get this mental thing that just won't let me be relaxed. I feel I have to be perfect. Daisy, do you have any suggestions?
Anni GUnn

Dear Anni GUnn,
I hope you're not asking me for acting tips because if I knew anything about acting I'd still be performing as the lead of the Broadway smash hit, Annie! You need to watch more television. Aside from its ability to destroy all linear thought, television (and movies) has the potential for teaching you a great deal about your problem. You remember in the first Star Wars movie where Luke is fighting that little floaty thing with his light saber and Boba Fett or whatever the old man was called told Luke to put the blast helmet on? (By the way, have you ever noticed how many outfits in those movies looked like the head of a penis? No coincidence, I'm sure.) Luke still managed to successfully fend off the stinging rays of the floaty fighting thing despite the fact that he couldn't see shit, all because he used the force.

But you see, the force isn't anything more than an analogy for letting go. That's why Yoda, in the second movie, says, "Don't try. Do." The whole Star Wars trilogy had a mythology based in Zen, except for the third movie which just had a bunch of annoying furry creatures that some jackass of a movie exec thought would guarantee bigger sales even though they had little to do with the real plot. Zen, of course, is a difficult thing to explain. So I won't explain it. What I will tell you is that you know your lines and you know what cues to hit and when so don't worry about making a mistake. It's not how perfect you are but how well you recover from the mistakes you made.
Follow the force, Anni GUnn

Dear Rusty,
Mekka lekka hi, mekka hiney ho. Mekka lekka hi, mekka chiney ho.

Unless, of course, you've got some shrubbery and then it's nothing but "icky, icky, icky".Dear Daisy,
I want to be king of the world. I want to get payed
$5,000,000,000 a day. What can I do?

You'll have to learn how to spell "paid" first. Then you'll need to wait in line behind me and Rusty since we've both got the same plans. Except for the money part. After all, we're not greedy. By the way, who are you??

Dear Daisy,
Why, in nautical terms, do they speak of "Four bells"
or "Eight bells" rather than simply two o'clock or 1400 hours?
Brian

Dear Brian,
It's nothing more than fancy talk to impress outsiders. The same thing happens in the computer industry all the time. There's plenty of ways we could refer to technology which would make sense to most people but our inherent desire is to be cool so we make up terms like MMX and Pentium. In fact, the bells have more basis in reality since they describe the real practice of ringing the bells a certain number of times during watch to indicate the hour. These computer terms mean absolutely nothing aside from the value the media and the companies themselves attach to them. For all we know, Pentium might be a Native American term for slightly-moist buffalo doo. Not too difficult to believe, now is it?

P.S. Speak for yourself, advice diva. I don't think $5,000,000,000 a day sounds so bad. However, if someone offered it to me, I would question receiving a salary that makes the national deficit look like pocket change. If it turned out to be real, though, I wouldn't turn down a chance to control a good chunk of world finances. That comes out to $1,825,000,000,000 per year. Read: 1.8 trillion dollars. This should be the start of a beautiful political career. According to my calculator, that's 2.19e+13 before I turn 30! Hmmm...technically speaking, 2.19e+13 only comes out 18.193. Whaddya know? Five billion dollars a day, and somehow I only end up with 18 and change before I get a chance to run for president.

Dear Daisy,
Please explain blue balls to us?
Ruby

Oh my ruby-locked songbird,
If I didn't know better this is nothing more than a cheap trick on your part to get Dear Daisy! Here to talk dirty to you. Normally I charge for this kind of talk but I'm also not one who shuns my duty to the world of sex. Blue balls is a condition some men will develop after having sustaining an erection for quite a period of time. What happens is the heart is pumping a lot of blood into that area at a high pressure. Sustained high pressure causes swelling in parts that normally don't swell causing a fierce and painful aching. But contrary to popular belief, having an orgasm does not banish the pain. What always worked for me was going do to the 7-11 and getting an icy Big Gulp, sticking that puppy between my legs and driving around for awhile. Ahhh, now that's refreshing.