Aries March, 21-April, 19
Now is the time to do something of the ordinary. Wow, there's a change, the only spontaneous thing you've done is wet your pants laughing at your own jokes!

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
When you wake up this morning, you may feel especially refreshed. What a surprise when you stomped on your douche bag and ended up brainwashed.

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
You've been sensitive and you call them as you see them, but remember that finger up your ass could be yours.

Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
It looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. Are you going to let them piss on your leg and tell you its raining? But then again, you kind of like that.

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
How much have you changed in recent years? Here's a hint, if you fart dust and floss with a garden weasel you are a candidate the "Home fro Old Queens".

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
Face it Virgo, you're too paranoid if you put a Band-Aids over the peep hole, unscrew all the light bulbs and look for cops under the couch.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
You can daydream all you want about roses, exotic getaways and romantic poems. But your idea of foreplay is a quick slap on the ass and sharing the same booth.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
Don't try to force a quick solution to an old problem. It always takes a good week for the penicillin to work. That burning sensation will be gone before you know it.

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
"This town ain't big enough for two of us" theory only applies to sheriff's not hookers, so put your gun away and find another corner.

Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
You poor thing, BUTCH UP if you want sympathy you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
Slut, It's your own fault if they cum in your mouth.

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
Things aren't nearly as bleak as you have convinced yourself that they are. When you feel this way simply go to the corner of Clark and Belmont and look around.
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Until next time, Thanks for shopping at Wal-mart!Ms. Mae