Aries March 21-April 19 If you follow the straight and narrow path, (metaphorically speaking) you will find that everything is indeed in your reach. Just do it like anything else you do: kick, scratch and bite your way to the top. Or just fuck your way there like everybody else.

Taurus April 20 - May 21 Now that you have put the last year behind you, set down your emotional handbags and let the good times roll. You never know Rose; this time it could be your turn.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 Now you have settled in for a long winters nap. But whom are you napping with? You have to be discreet or people will mistake you for an Aquarius.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 If you have taken my advice and the stars are in alignment you should have found the perfect person to spend some time with. Don't commit too quickly, you never know when something better is going to come along.

Leo July 23 - August 22 Your gadgets from Christmas are getting a good work out. Your toys are top shelf safe in your dishwasher and if you keep them clean, you will never need anybody else.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Since you missed the New Year by having you head in the toilet, this should send up a big red flag. You could also learn to pick up pubic hair off the toilet seat with your lips.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Congratulations on your entry in the Guinness book tramp. You give dropping the ball a whole new twist. If this is any indication of what is to come, you may need to find another way to get your protein.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 You have ended your year telling off all the people that pissed you off in 2003, and you're starting your list for 2004. But what do you care. Fuck them if they can't take a joke.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Oh my God! You just sobered up just long enough to realize that everybody has gone home. It's a new year and a new set of rules. They call them resolutions and I'm sure you've broken them by now.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 As the birthday sign winds to a close, you are in need of some rest. Why not take a trip? One little tab and you can go anywhere you want. A $20.00 bill, and you can go around the world.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Slut with a broken resolution!

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Ease into the New Year as it has eased into you. The upcoming full moon has the hair on your neck standing up, so get your thumb out of your ass and start howling! It can be very therapeutic.
Until next time, Always take candy from strangers...Ms. Mae