Well Kittens, the spring air had raised my blossoms and opened my tulips! But there are so many questions still to be answered. If you have one of those unanswered questions, no matter what the subject matter, you send it to me at Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net or by USPS to BOI Magazine c/o Dear Daisy 2nd Floor 3711 N. Ashland Chicago, IL 60613.
Now let's grab into the question bag and see what's in store for us this time around!
Dear Daisy,
I find myself reading monotonous advice columns. I try to keep away from them but I can't stop reading them. What does this mean? Am I truly addicted to advice columns written by non professional geeks?
Signed,
Column AddictDear Column Addict,
I'm glad you asked. And by the way, I am a smidge offended that you referred to the great and powerful Daisy Mae as a non professional geek. Initially, Dear Daisy has been distributed free of charge. Now in order for you to continue to receive Dear Daisy you'll need to send me a great deal of cash. I'm afraid that you may also see higher rates for Dear Daisy in the very near future.This has not been an isolated phenomenon by any means. Many people have started out with occasional readings of Ann Landers in their local papers and then when that no longer is enough they begin to read both Ann Landers and Dear Abby on a daily basis. Soon they find out about Dear Daisy at which point they are truly lost.
I believe that there are groups that you can attend that will help you get over your column addiction by means of 12 step programs. Or, you can send for my booklet "I am powerless over Dear Daisy" which is available for $50.00 at the address above. Thanks for reading!
Dear Daisy,
What are your suggestions for those of us suffering from MPB (Male Pattern Baldness). Are badly done toupees that resemble somebody's cat, Sy Sperling & Rogaine our only options, besides an extensive hat collection? Is it really true that while people say to me, "Oh, you're not that bad!" they're actually thinking, "Please, dear God, I'll sacrifice neighborhood animals, but don't ever let me end up looking like THAT!" Is it true that MPB is the real reason why Batman wore a cowl? And what's all this I've heard about the amazing discoveries regarding cat innards and hair restoral? Someone told me you might have someinsight on this for me.
Signed,
Chrome DomeDear Chrome Dome,
Ah, this is the real worry, isn't it? I wonder if there will one day be something a step or two beyond Rogaine that will instantly grow hair and make every American male achieve the Fabio look. I'm ready. But in the meantime, when you start whining too much about your stupid hair you always seem to run across someone in a wheelchair and you know what? You'll live with this if this is as bad as it gets.
I am a little confused about the cat innards part though, what I have is good RECIPES for barbecue. It's nothing to do with hair loss. There are many other things that you could be. Thank your lucky stars you have what you have!
Dear Daisy,
You know the saying "if a 1000 monkeys typed for a 1000 years they would produce the complete works of William Shakespeare"? Is that true? What other things would they type?
Signed,
Bananas Made Me SmartDear,
Dear Smart from Bananas,
No, that's wrong, wrong and stupid. This theory has long been discredited by leading scientists from India. The true theory is that if a 1000 monkeys typed for a 1000 years they would all end up calling me in tech support for help at some point. I am certainly glad that is cleared up!
