Taurus April 20 - May 21
Money matters take the stage as the moon makes its way from Pisces into Aries. Take your time when making decisions. You can always buy a used butt plug at a yard sale.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
Intrigue and mystery seem to find their way to you as the moon phase changes. As you search out the unknown in dark alleys and bookstores remember, you are what you eat.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Lately you've been experimenting with a variety of objects. Just keep in mind how silly you will feel when you have to explain how that jar of "Cheese-Whiz" got lodged in your ass.

Leo July 23 - August 22
You are being ogled, admired and asked to sign your autograph lately, just like a big Hollywood star! But why not, you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
If you think you want to do something later in the day, make your plans in advance. It's important to reserve your towel at the bathhouse before the rush.

Libra September 23 - October 22
It's your job to get to the heart of the matter, Libra. At times like these it is important to remember that nobody likes a pushy bitch.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Before you complain to the management, try to work out whatever difficulties you're experiencing with your co-workers. They don't like you any more than your boss.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
You have a lot on your mind, and everyone thought it was impossible. Complaining can be effective especially when the problems are real.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Even if everything seems to be going the way you want, it's still in your best interest to stay alert. You never know when you'll get caught with your pants down.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Face it you've been in more laps than a napkin, you are a slut.

Pisces February 19 - March 20
The good news is that you're good in the sack. The bad news is that it's a sack of potatoes. The summer swimsuit season is just around the corner; starches are not your friends.

Aries March 21- April 19
This isn't a good time for you to act shy and demure, especially at the RAM. Maybe it's because you're walking around with your pants down around your ankles.

Until next time.do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. Ms Mae