Aries March, 21-April, 19
Happy Birthday! Think about others as well as yourself. Personal glory is yours for the asking, so is a personal glory hole.

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
Today you feel as if you're playing a game of Hide and Seek, and you're 'it'. It's almost like playing squat tag in the cucumber patch.

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
Fun and games beckon you off the path. Your day improves when you find a playmate that shares your desire to sweat like a pig.

Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
This could be a difficult day for business and romantic partnerships. Excess activity on common ground could possibly twist your panties into a knot.

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
Everyone works better when they're not constantly reminded of their place in the food chain. It's so hard to talk Pump Room to Taco Bells.

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
The equation is simple: To attract money, you have to spend money. And finally to get a date you must have a stun gun.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
You've been playing things rather conservatively for long enough. This could be like sticking a wet noodle up a wild cats ass.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
Some brilliant idea hovers on the tip of your tongue but refuses to come out. This is just like that annoying pubic hair you just can't seem to spit out.

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
Friends are there when you need them, ready to lend a hand and a kind word at key moments ­ the hand will be on your as and the words will probably very encouraging!

Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
What others think of you -- may be of greater concern to you today than is usual. But fuck them if they can't take a joke!

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
It's that crusty flakey dried up stuff that gives you that healthy glow, you slut!

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
If you're feeling a bit bitter when it comes to a situation you really have no control of, you need to get over it. But is bitter better than biting bullets?

Until next time, keep your eggs in one basket and don't smoke left-over Easter grass!Ms. Mae