Hello again from Daisy Mae Laboratories. It looks like spring is here because we turned our clocks forward. Why do we do that? Well just write me or e-mail your questions to Dear Daisy c/o BOI Magazine 3708 N. Halsted St., Chicago, IL 60613 or e-mail me at Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net. Let's see what is on your minds.

Dear Daisy,
How do you know when you're "in love"?
Signed,
K-Ci

Dear K-Ci,
You're in love if the person reveals his or her deepest, darkest secret and despite the fact that it repels you, you're willing to overlook it. You're in love if you're willing to put your advice column on hold for twenty minutes while you run to the grocery store to buy him or her six eggs for the cookies he or she is baking. You're in love if you fuck like crazed weasels and don't want to get up afterwards to go get a pizza with your friends.

Dear Daisy,
Working with small monetary funds, I have managed to make our tiny 1997 house look cozy and attractive despite my boyfriend's Spartan approach to decorating. How does one contend with a mate who finds it necessary to mark territory throughout the house by distributing small piles of crap ( i.e. receipts, change, laundry, etc.) in every vacant corner.
Regards,
HGTV-Wanna Be

Dear Wanna,
You could dump him, but is it really worth it? While it may sound like a pathetic excuse for those with annoying habits, the truth is people won't change unless they want to change. And the more you force the issue, the worse it can get in many cases. Try subtle positive reinforcement. Sex is always a good reward. If, for some reason, you find him cleaning up, drag him into the bedroom and ride him like he's Seattle Slew. Eventually, like Pavlov's dog, he'll get the point.

Dear Daisy,
You asked for it you know...Why are English cops called Bobbys?
Rusty

Dear Rusty,
Because the words "dick" and "pig" were already taken.

Dear Daisy,
When you were little did you play with Barbies? Ha, ha.

Dear Ha, ha,
I suppose that was meant as a humorous attempt to poke fun at my sexuality and my name. Would you have said this to a complete stranger's face? What if this column appeared in a newspaper or magazine? Then would you have spent the time to fire off your little quip? What is it about email that makes it right to do this kind of thing? Does putting the words, "Ha, ha" at the end of a snide and potentially offensive remark make it all better? What next... are you going to make fun of my race/age/height/weight/religious beliefs simply because you remain totally anonymous? Hold on there a minute... you're not totally anonymous. I know your email address. And I could share it with the thousands of people who visit this column every year. I could place it in large letters across the top of my web site and explain that Ms. Ha, ha was abusive and disrespectful. But I'm not going to do that. Why? Because I'm a bigger person that you are and I'm not talking about size.

Dear Daisy,
I've fallen, and I can't get up!
Gravity-affected

Dear Gravity-affected,
There really is no good reason to get up at all. I advise you to just remain calm and remain where you are. You're not missing as thing. Keep an eye on this column and when it's time for you to attempt to get back up, you and all the others who have fallen will be notified.