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By Dennis Michaels
So now, with my favorite holiday,
St. Patrick's Day, just a few days away and the prospect of shagging
drunk hunks of Irish descent lit brightly on my radar screen,
I'm all smiles from ear to ear. And coming so close to February's
Given my penchant for redheads, and therefore a resultant yearning for Irish males, I figured it only made sense for me to learn a bit more about St. Patrick's Day. Here's what I found out with my comments Italicized in brackets. St. Patrick's Day is observed
on March 17 because it is believed that St. Patrick, the patron
saint of Ireland, died on that day in the year 461 AD. It is
a worldwide celebration of Irish culture and history, a national
holiday in Ireland, and a provincial holiday in the Canadian
provinces of Newfoundland and Labrador. [I actually prefer
Irish-Canadians over Irish-Americans because I'm more likely
to find foreskin at the end of those Canuck rainbows.And they're
magically delicious.]
34 million Americans have Irish ancestry, almost nine times the population of Ireland, which has 4.1 million people. Irish-Americans make up Chicago's largest ethnic group with a population of more than 201,000 [Even 20 years later I still think about my first boyfriend, Danny "thick as your wrist" Brennan, almost everyday.] The harp is the symbol of Ireland.
The color green is also commonly associated with Ireland, also
known as "the Emerald Isle." [I was a loyal customer
of National Car Rental for many years and really liked their
Emerald Service.] |
I'm
not sure what it is, but ever since I laid my eyes on Boris Becker
and his short shorts at Wimbledon, I have a thing for pasty redheaded
types. God, I think they are so incredibly sexy with their milky
skin and auburn locks. While most of my friends have lusted
after Prince William and his dirty blond locks throughout the
years, I've secretly been crushing on the gregarious red-trussed
Prince Harry. At least when he wasn't being a bigoted, swastika
wearing lout. 
Black History Month - I also have
a thing for African-American men - this means about a 6 week
period of a perpetually throbbing groin. And back in the day
when I first heard about the "black Irish" and gleefully,
horny-ly, but mistakenly, thought it was a stereotyped code for
well-hung redheads? OMG! 
In Ireland on St. Patrick's Day,
people traditionally wear a small bunch of shamrocks on their
jackets or caps. Children wear orange, white and green badges,
and females wear green ribbons in their hair. [We used to
get a playful swat on the behind back in elementary school if
we didn't wear green on St. Patrick's Day. That may be the source
of my spanking fetish. Hmmmm.]
St.
Patrick was born in 385 AD somewhere along the west coast of
Britain, and at age 16 was captured and sold into slavery to
a sheep farmer. He escaped at 22 and spent the next 12 years
in a monastery. In his 30s he returned to Ireland as a Christian
missionary, died at Saul in 461 AD and is buried at Downpatrick.
[I had a crush a few years ago on a porn star named Patrick.
He was from Montreal and I believe he was black Irish (think
Colin Farrell). He slept with two of my best friends, but not
me. I no longer have a crush on him. ]