Dear Daisy,
What is the longest word in the world?
Signed,

Funk N. Wagnell

Dear Funk,
You size queen you. We at Daisy Mae Laboratories have found that the official longest word is: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. (45 letters) It's a lung disease caused by breathing in certain particles and is the longest word in any English-language dictionary. (It is also spelled -koniosis.)

The longest word in Shakespeare: "honorificabilitudinitatibus" from Love's Labour's Lost.

The longest useful word is floccinaucinihilipilification (29 letters) It's the longest word in the first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary and is an estimation of something as worthless. The letter "i" occurs nine times in this word but "e", the most commonly used letter in English, does not appear at all. It dates back to 1741 and has been used by Sir Walter Scott and Senators Robert Byrd and Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Senator Jesse Helms used it in 1999 during the debate on the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty [Randolph V. Cinco].

Floccinaucinihilipilification was also used by Press Secretary Mike McCurry in his December 6, 1995, White House Press Briefing in discussing Congressional Budget Office estimates and assumptions: "But if you-- as a practical matter of estimating the economy, the difference is not great. There's a little bit of floccinaucinihilipilification going on here."

The longest geographical name is of a Maori hill in New Zealand: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauautamateaturipukakapikimaung- ahoronukupokaiwhenuakitinatahu (84 letters) They call it "Taumata." So, put that in your Tupperware (10 letters) and burp it!

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Dear Daisy,
I am putting together a health fair on condom usage for students. The "Condom Olympics" will be held in a dorm. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for information my group could use or any suggestions on games that we could play to teach people how to use condoms correctly.

Signed,
The Condom Coach

Dear Coach,
Three cheers to you for teaching kids that they can have sex instead of if they have sex their dicks will fall off! I, of course have many "tricks" up my sleeve. Give each of the attendees their own condom still in the wrapper, carefully open them together (with fingers, not with teeth or long fingernails that can weaken and puncture even the toughest rubber), and let the games begin:

· Blow them up like balloons; the one with the most hot air wins.
· Fill them up with water - it's hard to believe how much they can hold. Then commence the condom toss, which may get very wet.
· Pull them over your head (but not over your nose and mouth!); they make lovely rain hats for opening ceremonies and Sunday brunches.
· Don't care for hat-head? Then cut the ring off of the base of the condom and you've got yourself a new hair band, or one-fifth of the Olympics logo.

Now, please give it up for some ways that vividly instruct present and future condom wearers of the world - and those who love them - how to put 'em on, and keep 'em on!

· over a fist and down an arm
· down two, three, or four middle fingers
· on a firm banana, or cucumber
· down an upside down baseball bat
· with your mouth - again, watch those teeth and braces (using the fruit or veggie here would be best)
· break out a reasonably-sized dildo for a more realistic lesson
Include these helpful pointers along the way:
· Put a little lube inside the condom for a smoother glide down the penis.
· Try to put condoms on erect, or somewhat erect, penises.
· Smooth out any penis hair that could get yanked when the condom's going on and off.
· Use condoms on sex toys to reduce transmission of dirt or microorganisms.
· Check expiration dates on condom wrappers - especially the ones that have been living in sock drawers, night tables, and medicine cabinets.
If you really want to wow 'em, convert a dry condom into a dam by unrolling one, trimming off the elastic ring and tip, and cutting along the length. The condom should open into a rectangle, and can be placed over clitorises and anuses during oral sex.

Who would have thought that condoms could be so much fun? "Break a leg," not a condom,