Honestly, enough with the fucking snow already. Mark Twain said "Everybody complains about the weather, yet nobody does anything about it". How did he know that? He wrote to Dear Daisy c/o BOI Magazine 3708 N. Halsted St., Chicago, IL 60613. But now days you can sit right down and e-mail me at Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net. So let's see what pearls of wisdom we have today.

Dear Daisy,
HOW CAN I GET HIM TO NOTICE ME?

Dear Unnoticed,
On my birthday last year I decided that if I were ever President of the U.S., I would pass a law that allows people to do whatever they want during the 24 hours that is their birthday. Better yet, they'd receive full immunity from the law during this time. Don't want to go to work? It's your birthday, you don't have to work. You like something in a store? Take it, it's free... it's your birthday! Wanna smack that annoying co-worker of yours? Smack-away Captain, it's your birthday.

After thinking like this all day I found I had a whole new sense of myself. I was special because it was my birthday. Soon I began to realize that others could sense how special I was and I was attracting attention. And it was good. You need to do the same: convince yourself that you're the best, most attractive person who's ever wandered the face of this mossy sphere, look him in the eye and smile. But you have to believe that it's all true.

Dear Daisy,
I *need* to know!!! When the snow melts....where the hell does all the white go??
Thank you!
'Lost in the great white north'

Dear Lost,
If you leave any organic material out in the sun long enough, it will turn dark and eventually disappear. Some materials are more sensitive to sunlight (snow) and others less sensitive (a human body), but leave them outside in the sun and sooner or later they'll turn into goo and become part of the earth once again. But don't take my word for it... do this simple experiment:

Go to your local grocery store and buy a nice big slab of fish. Any kind will do but the more expensive it is the more you'll learn from this experiment. Wait until your local weathercaster has forecast a string of sunny days, plop that hunk of raw fish out on the pavement in the sunshine, sit back and watch nature work its magic.

Dear Daisy,
Where did the word nightmares come from? I mean... does it have something to do with female horses at night? Or did the word come from somewhere else?
Regards,
Karl

My dear Karl,
Thanks for your query. Like you, I am fascinated with the origins of words. According to Webster the word has its origins in 13th century France. Being half French and having many relatives from that country and not being able to understand them in this century, there's no way I could imagine what those brain-eating, Jerry Lewis-loving nuts might have been thinking.

Dear Daisy,
Why does my boyfriend's penis have two holes?
Just Curious

Dear Curious,
Most likely your boyfriend was born with hypospadias, a relatively common abnormality that may affect up to 3 in 1000 newborn boys. Instead of having a urethral opening at the end of the penis, boys born with hypospadias have an opening on the underside of the shaft.

The condition can be surgically corrected. Often, surgery is arranged before the child reaches school age. The surgery, performed under anesthesia, involves using a small piece of foreskin to fashion a tube to extend the urethra to the end of the penis. The original hole is most often left as is since the urethra now bypasses it. This probably explains why your boyfriend's penis has two holes; and if the procedure was done, then only one is functional.