Aries March 21-April, 19 As you give validity to your pushy exterior, your sensitive side is exposed. Just remember that exposing yourself is illegal in many states. Keep your nipples to the wind mighty Aries. Taurus April 20 - May 21 You are in search of the truth, and it will set you free. So will a couple of ex-lax tabs and a Metamucil chaser! Not to say you are full of shit but, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, Hmmm. Gemini May 21 - June 21 Could you be falling in love? That is the question on everybody's lips. And you know all about lips. Just be careful of what passes through your lips, you are what you eat. Cancer June 22 - July 22 Keep your eye out for spring; you come alive like a spry wood nymph during this time of renewal. Remember it is wood nymph not nympho as in whore. A reputation is the last thing you need. Leo July 23 - August 22 Now that you have everyone's attention, what is it that you want to say? We are all waiting for your words of wisdom or is it yet another case of diarrhea? We'll be the judge. Virgo August 23 - September 22 Now that you have washed the Paula Sinclare smell off, you can proceed into your future. Take each day as if it were your last. Or make each day last as if it were your first. Wow, even I'm confused. Libra September 23 - October 22 You keep searching for that right person to spend time with. Soon Lincoln Park Zoo will be open and you can go to Paula's Petting Zoo, but be careful not to pet Paula, she may bite. Scorpio October 23 - November 21 You have found yourself bitter lately, but not to worry, it shall pass. As long as you keep a stiff upper lip, and a little of the old in out couldn't hurt. Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Are you trying to get into the Book of World Records? Well, you are about 2 tricks away from being mistaken for an Aquarius. Keep it up! Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Your modesty has become tiresome. You cannot fool your friends anymore. Try something different and just be you. If they still don't like you, fuck them. Aquarius January 20 - February 18 As roles change, yours does not you still a ho! Pisces February 19 - March 20 Life is not as horrible as you may think. Just find someone that is your ideal physical dream date and ignore all their personality flaws and you have an instant lover! Until next time, be nice to someone ugly...Ms. Mae