Hello Kittens, The chill is on and this may lead to uncommon cuddling and of course questions for the lovelorn. Fear not, The Daisy Mae Laboratories are prepared to answer any questions you may have. Big or small, technical or titillating, I can handle it. All you have to do is e-mail your question to Dear.Daisy@sbcglobal.net or by USPS to BOI Magazine c/o Dear Daisy 3711 N. Ashland Ave., 2nd Floor Chicago, IL 60613. Let's shed some light on someone's life!

 

Dear Daisy
My husband and I have been lovers for almost two years. I thought that we were very happy and things were going great until this past weekend. You see, I was informed by him that he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I have gained some weight.
(I have gained about 40 lbs. since we got together.) But, it is not like I am obese or anything. I am 5'9" and I weight 180lbs with a big body frame. I know that I could stand to lose some weight, but to tell me that I am not sexually attractive anymore!

He says that he loves me and can't live without me... he just doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. What do you think I should do?

Signed,
Unhappily Married...

Dear Unhappily Married,
You're one of those people who doesn't watch much television, aren't you? I can tell by your blatant display of clear thought and lack of reference to anything television. You probably only watch PBS and the Learning Channel when you do turn it on and I have to tell you, my friend, that this habit of yours will lead to nothing but misery and your eventual doom. Okay, everyone is doomed whether they watch television or not, but those happy red, blue and green spots dancing around the screen at thirty beats a second distract most of us from having anything more than a vague notion that we exist. They lull us into a cathode-ray complacency where all desires are reduced to the need for fresher breath and whiter teeth. There's no point in fighting it. Television is our destiny; it's our duty as Americans. So get up this instant, turn the television on and leave it on. QVC, Nickelodeon, even CNN Headlines news if you must start with something that portends to posses actual content. Within a couple weeks your problems will magically vanish like ugly mildew stains.

 

 

Dear Daisy
I have fallen in love the most wonderful man in the world. His eyes are so deep and passionate, and he makes me tingle from head to foot. He is tall, dark and handsome and is so sensitive and caring. When he touches me, I just melt. The problem is the sex. I have a lot of experience as far as sex goes (and he knows this), but I treat him like a shiny white diamond that must never be spoilt. I can't bring myself to be overly passionate with him, but as he has not had much experience he is hoping that is exactly what I will do. When I think I might overcome this problem, I don't. I end up treating him like he is glass. I adore him and worry that this might finish it, because I care for him so much, and I don't want to 'soil' him. Please help me!!

Signed,
The Universal Bunny

Dear Universal Bunny,
Is it him you're concerned about soiling or is it your image you're concerned about? Aren't you afraid what he'll think if you show your true lustful and wanton nature? Aren't you afraid you'll lose yourself in the moment and stick your tongue or fingers where good boys don't, scaring him off? He's no timid deer, wide-eyed in your headlights. He's a raging young stallion, ready and waiting to be led down that twisting riding trail of passion toward unadulterated lust and sexual abandon. Jump on and ride him for all he's worth before someone else hops into the saddle; someone who's much less appreciative of his sensitive and caring nature. Go on now, ride him yea! Oh yea! Oh, excuse me sometimes I get so excite. Carry on.