Aries March 21-April 19 Oh no, the winter blah's. Don't you just hate sitting around waiting for the snow to thaw? No, not you Aries, you are a snow blower just waiting to be started. Chapstick ready and snowmen beware.

Taurus April 20 - May 21 As you ease into the New Year, keep your cool and go with the flow. Don't wait around too long and let things around you freeze. I call that the douche-bag effect.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 As you make your way through the winter form bed to bed, don't forget the words of the legendary Goldilocks. "This one is too hard, this one is too soft, but this one is just right."

Cancer June 22 - July 22 This dating stuff is enough to drive a person to drink. That's just another excuse for a cocktail party and that's OK. The drunker you get the better they look.

Leo July 23 - August 22 After a miraculous recovery you have realized it's a New Year and well into it. With January gone, you must decide stupid or stupor? You make the choice.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Knowing is one thing suspecting is another. You have been looking for a balance and the closest you've come is the balance between gin, tonic and ice cubes. That is a start.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Fame and fortune is on its way and you are at the threshold. It's time to open the door and let the sunshine in. You may be in the spotlight, but for how long? Watch your p's and q's and you'll be fine.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 The tea leaves say "deception will seek you out." But it doesn't have to. I see trouble in your future but for $75.00 I can help you to avoid it. Send a self addressed stamped envelope and the cash. Quick!

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 With all the hoop-la about the cold you are forging on and you don't let anything seem to get in your way. That's the way to do it. Be as bold as the Aries, as upfront as a Leo and as slutty as an Aquarian and you have the recipe for a happy life.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Your birth cycle is coming to an end and the energy inside you builds. You have the strength to overcome any hurdle. Now take that newfound energy and do something constructive for once in your life.

January 20 - February 18 The north winds are blowing and so are you, Slut!

February 19 - March 20 Focus, focus, focus, not fuck us, fuck us, fuck us.
Until next time, A mind is a terrible thing...Ms. Mae