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While many people have fond memories of Valentine's Days past, complete with chocolate boxes and roses, there are others who view the day grimly, thanks to events that should be forgotten or at least filed away in the recesses of their mind to be accessed only on rare occasion. Well, the rare occasion is here and we at BOI are at the ready to relay those stories to you. It was Valentine's Day Blizzard of 1990
and about 10 inches of snow fell on Chicago that afternoon. I
worked in the suburbs and driving back into the city during rush
hour was horrendous. It took me 7 hours to get home! I got back
to my apartment at 1am in the morning - tired, mad, hungry.
As I was going through my mail, I opened this envelope with no
return address on it. There was a simple letter that said, "Sorry.
We tricked once in the past six months and I may have given you
herpes. You should go to your doctor and get checked. Sorry!"
It wasn't signed. I was kind of slutty back then so there were
too many potential suspects to figure out who it was from. I
went to the doctor and sure enough I had contracted herpes, the
gift that keeps on giving. God, I hate Valentine's Day! My boyfriend and I had the unfortunate
"Poopy Valentine's Incident of 2006." We had only been
dating for a couple of weeks and had not engaged in anal sex
yet and we had made these big plans to do so on Valentine's Day
after a romantic dinner. Unfortunately my boyfriend's lunch,
while tasty and delicious, was basically poisonous to an extent.
He was so in love with me and so intent on going through with
our sexual plans for that night, he ignored the gurgling in his
stomach when we got into bed and failed to tell me that his digestive
system was in disarray. Do I really need to finish the story
given that we call it the "Poopy Valentine's Incident?"
Let's just say that I needed to buy a brand new mattress. One year I was out of town on business
on Valentine's Day and my flight wasn't supposed to get back
into O'hare until very late that night. However, I was able to
cut my meetings short and catch a much earlier flight back to
Chicago. I didn't tell my partner of my change in flight plans
as I wanted to surprise him. Well, when I got home I found him
in our bedroom, legs up in our portable sling, in the midst of
a 5-person orgy. He was so engaged and "stuffed" he
didn't even notice that I had come home. The other guys who
were "stuffing" my partner thought I was there to join
in the orgy and told me to hurry up and take my clothes off in
order to, and I quote: "have a piece of this slutty cum
dump!" Needless to say the relationship ended that night.
I kept the sling. On Valentine's Day in 2003, I was laid
off from my job in the morning and then my dog somehow managed
to get off his leash that afternoon and he got run over by a
car and was seriously injured. While at the vet that evening,
filled with guilt, trying to decide whether to spend thousands
of dollars - that my newly unemployed self didn't have - to save
my dog, my mom calls me on my cell to tell me that my grandmother
had suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly that night.
The final nail in the proverbial coffin was my dog dying later
that night. Between my grandmother and my dog, I must have shed
5 pounds worth of tears that Valentine's day and night. My boyfriend at the time really liked
Tiffany's and so I went to buy him a 6-month anniversary gift
from there for Valentine's Day, only to find out that there was
an account already open in my name and social security number.
Apparently, my boyfriend liked Tiffany's so much he had fraudulently
opened the account and charged over $15,000 worth of merchandise.
And he was late on the payments. I broke up with him and filed
charges with the police. |
