Aries March, 21-April, 19
Your impatience is showing, Aries. You want spring and you want it now! Not just because of tolerable weather, because of birthday presents

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
Start planning for you future, be extravagant, be creative and think BIG! You never know it might not come true. I'm not Dionne Warwick for God's sake

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
Trust in something or you will keep going down the middle of the road to crazy town. Slow down and take time to smell the..well, the city has a certain odor during the thaw.
Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
OK, you are on edge; everybody around you knows there is something up. Come out with the truth, because you know them bitches are going to find out anyway. Secrets, Ha!!

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
You are ready for a change, maybe a new apartment, a new city, a new spouse, you never know. My advice is to go with the flow and always wear clean panties.

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
Money is certainly an issue now, getting out of Christmas debt (That you spent all on yourself). So tighten those purse strings and you will have a nice reserve by Pride.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
What is the problem lately? You can't seem to get a date if you were in prison with a handful of pardons. Did you fart? I'll have to get out the tea leaves for this one.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
The cold weather doesn't keep you down, a pair of long johns and a cocktail and you are on the streets like road kill in Alabama. The weather keeps your beer cold to!

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
Oh my Stars! I'm feeling that this might be a very lucky time for you Sag, go out and buy a bunch of lottery tickets and send them to me and I will let you know how you did.

Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
Going, going, gone. There goes another one through your fingers. You need to grab yourself by your pump straps and start hanging on, you'll end up an old spinster like Paula Sincalre/

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
OK sluts. I have been tough on you but I want you to be the best homo's you can possibly be. Kinda like the army. But you are still a slut at heart.

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
There are many pieces of the puzzle to put together, but you are smart and you are starting to see the big picture. Aren't puzzles fun?