Diary Of Desperation: Part 1

By Dennis Michaels
Monday, 11/24/08
Today I made my final payment for passage on the all-gay Caribbean cruise in January. My best friend Jim was already going and he convinced me that this cruise was just what I needed. It will give me a chance to re-charge my batteries and more importantly, allow me to get laid! One problem however: I've not been keeping to my workout routine these past couple month nor to my diet regemine (I live just too damn close to Popeye's Chicken. Ugh!) While I was looking pretty good this past summer at 180 pounds, I'm now at 190. I need to be at my ideal cruise weight of 175 by the time the ship sets sail. Otherwise all those skinny bitches on the boat will ignore me and scoop each other up, laughing and snickering under their breath about my soft belly and leaving me to be the target the chubby chasers.

Tuesday, 11/25/08
HORRORS! The scale at the gym had me at 193 pounds, which means I'm at 60 days and counting until the cruise and I've got 18 pounds to shed. This ain't going to be easy. Especially since today I seemed to have spent as much time in the sauna and the steam room chasing after this cutie as I did lifting weights and running on the treadmill.

Thursday, 11/27/08 (Thanksgiving)
While my gym was actually open today and I was there doing cardio and some light lifting, I was a downright pig at Thanksgiving dinner. I went with Jim to his parent's place in the suburbs and seemingly couldn't get enough carbs: stuffing, mashed AND sweet potatoes, dinner rolls. Jim's mom is from the South and so it was like eating at Paula Dean's home. Good for the taste buds, bad for waistline.

Monday, 12/1/08
Somehow after this disastrous dietetic weekend, the scale still said 193.. I did go to the gym on Saturday, so that helped a little. I went to Hydrate and Circuit this weekend as well and I am amazed at those shirtless party boys with their 6-pack abs. It's as if they are immune to the fattening effects of Thanksgiving, like maybe their water bottles are spiked with Alli.

Thursday, 12/4/08
I AM SO SORE! Realizing I need to firm up my ass in order to adequately fill out my swimsuits, I did legs for the first time on Tuesday: lunges, squats, leg curls, and extensions. I was ok yesterday, but today I could barely get out of bed. I haven't been in this much pain since I had my cherry popped by a well-endowed porn actor who mistakenly thought I was an insatiable bottom. He forgot to tell me to "just breathe."

Sunday, 12/7/08
My legs have recovered and I had decent workouts this weekend. The scale now reads 189. I guess that's not too bad, but I'd like to see some more progress. Maybe I'll try one of those spinning classes this week.

Wednesday, 12/10/08
The spinning class should be renamed "Satan's Workout!" That was the most grueling hour of exercise I've ever experienced. But the instructor, Craig, was so damn cute there was no way I was going to wimp out and quit the class early. I weighed in afterwards at 186.

Sunday, 12/14/08
I went to three holiday parties last night, ate way too much, then drank way too much, and then threw up when I got home. So while I feel terrible today at least some of the calories and carbs got vomited into the toilet.

Friday, 12/19/08
It was a really good week of consistent workouts at the gym and I even had oral sex in the sauna with this really cute guy. HOT! Earlier tonight I went to the Chicago Diner for a vegetarian dinner. I'm at 185 pounds: 40 days and 10 pounds to go.

Monday, 12/22/08
I am SO EMBARRASSED. I had my gym membership revoked today. Apparently someone saw me swapping blow jobs last week in the sauna and reported me. It was like being called into the principal's office. They cited my "infraction," gave me a refund check for the remaining portion of my pre-paid dues, and told me to leave. I really couldn't argue since it was all true. Now I have to find a new gym in order to continue my quest toward my ideal cruise weight.

To be continued