Capricorn December, 22 - January, 19
Baby its cold outside! Make sure that you have on your gloves and your rubbers. That should go without saying. If we haven't learned anything by now..

Aquarius January, 20 - February, 18
What do you call a slut with a runny nose? Full.

Pisces February, 19 - March, 20
This year promises to be a great one if you make it that way. So many influences can sabotage what you have worked so hard for. Don't let any bastard stand in your way.

Aries March, 21-April, 19
It seems that the winter will never thaw. You impatient bastard! It will be spring before you know it and you can start your prowl again.

Taurus April, 20 - May, 21
Go for the Gold! You will have a winning streak that may last for quite a while. My advice is to gamble away your savings. If that doesn't work, I guess I was wrong.

Gemini May, 21 - June, 21
New Years is over, and you are sitting in the middle of your friend's apartment in your boxers eating tuna fish sandwiches.

Cancer June, 22 - July, 22
You love the snow. It is so soft and pliable. You have made snow angels and snow men. The only indiscretion is that snow men don't have balls!

Leo July, 23 - August, 22
Well, this is the time where you gather your kill and feast all winter. Since half of that is illegal, the best you can do is order in.

Virgo August, 23 - September, 22
It looks like there are travel plans in your future. It may be abroad but I highly doubt it. It will probably be to Jewel.

Libra September, 23 - October, 22
As you sit by yourself in you happy abode, it is time for you to think about finding a mate. The best idea is to go out somewhere and make sure they go on their own accord.

Scorpio October, 23 - November, 21
The daunting task of cleaning house, doing dishes and laundry; it is high time you found a maid or a husband. You'll see that tasks are a snap with someone to do it for you.

Sagittarius November, 22 - December, 21
Man the torpedos, there's is a storm a brewin'. No time for details, just grab the booze and other implements of a designer weekend and get the hell out of Dodge!

Until Next timeare random acts of kindness really random? Ms Mae